To my Mentee...

I've known you for almost a year. When I first heard about you, I was intrigued because we had a lot in common. With your mom's permission, I wrote you while you were away and a friendship blossomed. I finally got to meet you at your home coming party and the girl I met face to face had so much promise and a light in her eyes that said, "Nothing is going to stand in my way". You had plans of finishing high school and then going to Job Corp. to get the skills you needed to start your dream job of being an educator to kids. You had plans of getting along better with your mom and sister and since you'd seen what sort of home life other kids came from, you had a better understanding of just how well you had it made at home.  You  impressed me so much...so much so that I gave you a gift that meant the world to me with the promise that you'd live up to what that gift stood for. But as this year has passed, I see you starting to go back to your old ways without a care to anyone you hurt in the process.

 But let me ask you this, have you thought about what your actions are doing to those of us who love you? I can tell you this, you are causing a lot of hurt and anger amongst us. Some of those you are choosing to hurt would capture the moon for you if they could; others are scared for you and what situations you could end up in.  I can also tell you that you are the cause of lots of worry, speculation, prayers and sleeplessness.

I know you think you are grown and have more knowledge than the adults around you. But know this, the knowledge that the adults are trying to instill in you isn’t given to you the day you turn 18; it’s not a gift that you can open and pour into your brain. 

The knowledge that we are trying to instill in you is learned from a variety of ways. Whether it is from watching other peoples’ mistakes, or learning some of those lessons the hard way, any adult over the age of 22 or so will tell you, that the grown-ups before them were right and that they should’ve listened to their parents, teachers, mentors or whatever adult tried to give them insight, while they were young. And I can’t tell you the number of people I know who kicked themselves later because they didn’t follow the advice of well meaning adults. I just don’t want you to become one of those people.

 I wish I could show you what your future holds for you. I wish I could protect you and give you the knowledge you need to transition into a young adult smoothly and without hitting the pot holes and road bumps known as life. I wish you would just slow down, take life one day at a time and not be in such a hurry to grow up and be on your own. I wish I could make you understand how great you have it and how much some people would give to be in your shoes. Even with a ‘bossy mom’ and ‘nosy’ sister you are much better off than you can possibly know at this time. You’ll realize it when you’re older and wiser and perhaps like so many of the adults in your life it will be YOU trying to mentor a young lady and teach her all you’ve learned from life in the hopes that she’ll take your advice to heart and learn from your mistakes so that she won’t repeat them or so that her life will be just a little bit easier. I love you like a little sister and want only the best for you! I’m here for you, all you have to do is ask and you know I’ll be at your house.

                                                                                                            Love, Your Mentor

One Year Left Before I Grow Up

I woke up this morning in a really good mood, which in itself is a huge feat of accomplishment because I am not a morning person....at all. Just ask my boyfriend or my children, they'll all tell you the same thing, "Don't mess with mom until she's been up for a little bit." or something along those lines. Anyway, I was in a good mood because I have a four day weekend coming up (Fourth of July is Monday and my command is giving us Friday off. Yay for sleeping in!!) and my boyfriend is coming home tomorrow night. Then it hit me as I was dropping my boys off for summer camp that today is June 30th. Normally not a big deal because this date holds no signficance for me. But this year it does because in exactly one year I will be forced to grow up and become the responsible, mature adult I've been pretending to be since I turned 18.
 In other words, I'm retiring from the Navy and leaving behind the only 'real' job I've ever had since I joined in 1992. I had other jobs before I joined, I was a waitress on weekends in a little mom and pop diner in my hometown, I did an internship at the local Air Force recruiting office the summer between my junior and senior year of high school, and I was a bar tender as a second job while stationed in El Centro, CA. Not that those weren't real jobs, because they were, but now I'm venturing out into the unknown territory of actually putting together my resume, figuring out which agency or entity I want to work for, salary negotiations, figuring out how my current benefits I get will translate to an actual salary in the civilian world, (how does one even begin to answer that question???) buying a wardrobe (which is really scaring the crap out of me...I know who would've thought that dressing yourself could actually cause stress? Not me!) actually doing an interview, (the other interviews I did occured because I knew someone who worked there and had mentioned the owners needed help) making a good impression on people, (when I'm not really sure what exactly that means because I can only be myself and I am really horrible at talking myself up and selling myself. Guess I have to get over that issue as well) then there's the ultimate question we all get asked when we're little and naive....What do you want to be when you grow up?
 I have thought of a hundred different answers some silly (a princess would be waaay cool because then you're not really working and you can do whatever you want without causing too much trouble. I've thought about becoming a ninja; because face it ninjas are very cool (so much more so than pirates as I keep trying to tell my bf ;) a superhero would be good too, because you get some pretty awesome powers if you choose wisely. But, alas none of those are actual jobs; so it's back to looking at, "serious-grown-up jobs" that are more acceptable. Which leads to the questions of; who's hiring right now, who's going to be the better employer and the most important: how does all of my training correlate into an actual good paying (cause yes it is ALL about the money when you have kids to support) job that will be fun and exciting and hold my attention for more than five minutes. (I have SSS, AKA Shiny Squirrel Syndrome) Oh and did I mention...little to no travel because I've done that enough to last a lifetime.
 So the next 365 days are going to go by quick! Well, most of them will...some days will be never-ending I'm sure but I've got more than enough on my plate to keep me busy and out of trouble (I hope). But as much as I'm ready to start this journey of the next chapter of this saga I call My Life, I'm going to begin by it by doing something that has been engrained in me since I was born (Thank you Gramps!!!)....I'm going to procrastinate starting or thinking about anything until Tuesday July 5th....Happy Independance Day!!!

Wannabe Military???

  I had the news on last night while I was cooking dinner and a news story came on about how more and more people are claiming to be Navy Seals in the hopes of bedding women, furthering careers or getting free alcohol. This really makes me mad because I'm a Chief in the Navy and have given up a lot to serve my country.

  These people who are impersonating the fine men who make up our Special Forces have absolutely NO clue what's involved when you volunteer to serve your country. When you sign up, raise your hand and pledge your oath you're not only volunteering to serve your country, but what most people fail to realize is that you're also volunteering to work long hours, stand 24 hour duty, spend months away from home and missed holidays and birthdays. And that's usually before a family is thrown into the mix.

  I have done a few deployments in my 19 years of service and not without some regret. My first two or three deployments were hard, but there weren't any children involved. With children added; deployments turn into nightmares of 'what-if's' and some regret.

  The 'what-if's' can range from, 'will my child remember me?' 'Will my child understand, or will he or she hate me for my choice?' I left for deployment when my 10 year old wasn't quite two years old and returned 9 months later. When I left there were a lot of reporters who wanted to question both my (now ex) husband and I on the hardships of deployment when it's the mom who leaves, and how he was going to cope caring for a toddler on his own. I don't remember a lot about that morning, but what I do remember was I just wanted the reporters to go away so I could get through my own good-byes without adding to the stress of an already sad situation. Coming home wasn't much better. Sure, I was excited to come back and see my small family, but as soon as I found them, the reporters found us. This time around, they gave us a minute to hug and shed some tears but when it came time to hold my son for the first time in almost a year, he didn't want me.  He wanted his dad and made it known in no uncertain terms. That was a punch to the gut. He was all I could think about while I was gone, his pictures were wall paper in my rack and he was what got me through each day and then I come home and he didn't want any part of me. It was like I was a stranger to him and in a way I was. I remember I relinquished him to his dad because no amount of hugging him would console him and stop his flow of tears, as I handed him over I heard a reporter ask me, "Is it hard to back and know your child doesn't want you to touch him?" What was I supposed to say to that? "Yes, I'm thrilled that my son doesn't want me." "Sure it's great to be home and know that I'm a stranger to my own son?" What I said instead was something to the effect of, "I'm glad to be home yes, but obviously have to reconnect with my family. Now if you'll excuse us, I just want to go home." Later that day, he did let me hold him and we even played together. Now almost eight years later, that deployment is a distant memory.

  I do have some regrets...regrets over missed firsts. First words, first steps, first day of school, etc. etc.  I have regrets over missed birthdays, holidays, soccer and baseball games and just watching them be kids in general. Fortunately for me, I have really awesome friends who would take lots and lots of pictures and send them to me, so the time apart from my children wouldn't seem too hard. And thankfully, my children understand why their dad (he's also military) and I do what we do. We keep them safe and keep the 'bad guys' away. That's not saying that anytime I had to leave for any length of time that they've always been happy, go lucky children; no, they would be upset and angry and always question how long I would be gone and when I would be home. But now with my current job requiring little to no travel and my prospective retirement coming up in 13 months my children are getting more and more excited about the prospect of mom having a ‘regular’ job and dressing like ‘normal’ moms do. And I'm excited that I won't be missing anymore birthdays, holidays or other 'firsts'.

 I sincerely wish that those people who are impersonating Navy Seals or any other uniformed service member would think twice about what they’re saying when they claim to have served their country.  And if that’s not enough to deter them from doing it in the future, then by all means I think we should sign them up to serve for a year or two and maybe that will will make them think twice before lying.

* This post is not to offend anyone or place blame on any particular person. These are just my opinions.

Need a License?

 

  This morning I was getting ready for work and I had the news on hoping to catch the local weather, while my oldest son was sitting on my bed waiting for me to fix his ‘bed head’ when a news update came on about a case of child abuse that was reported last week. 

  This case is about a young girl, around five or six, who had been found in her own home, kept in an old crib with a piece of wood over the top of the crib forming a sort of crude cage so the girl couldn’t get out.  If that weren’t bad enough, she was starving, naked and covered in her own filth.  To make matters worse (if there could possibly be anyway to make that happen) there was a one month old baby boy also found in the house, although this child was loved and cared for because he was clean and well taken care of.  Luckily, the girl is at a local children’s hospital recovering, well beginning the long and arduous journey of recovering both physically and mentally.  The update this morning was saying that the parents were due in court to get their attorneys appointed for them.  After I listened to the update, I was thinking to myself, “I really hope they bury these two under the jail instead of in it.” when my thoughts were interrupted by my ten year old son asking why someone would treat their children like that little girl was treated. 

  How do you answer a question like that, posed to you by your ten year old who has known nothing of love and support and thinks that taking away his Nintendo DS is one of the worst things in the world that can happen to him?  It took me a minute, which was apparently an eternity to him because as I was thinking of an appropriate answer, I was asked, “Well mom, did you hear me?”  I told him that, yes I heard him but it’s not an easy answer to give because I don’t know how other people think.  I also can’t really answer that because different people handle situations differently, and that no one may ever be able to answer the question as to why some people make wonderful parents and why other people should not be allowed to have children.  He seemed satisfied with the answer I was able to give him, basically that I had no idea why people do what they do, to some children.  This is one of the reasons I fully believe that you should have to go through some sort of screening process before having children.

 No, I’m not joking…you have to have a license of some sort for anything you want to do.  Want to build onto your house?  Got to have a license.  Want to drive a car?  A boat?  A motorcycle?  You  need a license.  Want to own a pet from the shelter?  Not only do you have to have a license, but you have to fill out enough paperwork to seem like you’re joining the military.  Want to get married?  Guess what?  You’ve got to have a license.  If you want to open a business, fish, hunt, clear or burn land you’ve got to have a license.  But you want to bring the miracle of life into this world? You want to be able to influence another human being while being financially and emotionally responsible for that person?  You want to become a teacher of rights and wrongs and mold and shape a member of the next generation?  Guess what?  You don’t need a license to do that, which makes absolutely no sense to me at all.

  Sure, most people make wonderful parents and are the types who are fully involved in shaping their children’s future.  But there are those people who have a much skewed vision of how parenting is supposed to be carried out.  I think if people want to have a family, that is great, but there should be some type of practical exam given to see how they’d perform in any given situation.

 For example, one practical could be your 15 month old baby is sick and won’t stop crying and has been for hours and you are at your wits end.  How do you cope?  Me personally?  I’ve had to put myself in ‘time-out’ to take a breather, collect my thoughts then deal with the situation.  Unfortunately, not everyone responds that way.  I’ve seen too many news stories about shaken baby syndrome and the most common reason the parent snaps is because the baby wouldn’t stop crying. 

 I just think before anyone is gifted with the responsibility of becoming a parent, there should be some sort of checks and balances in place to ensure the child isn’t going to suffer at the hands of an irresponsible parent. 

* This post is not to offend anyone or place blame on any particular person. These are just my opinions.